Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Humbled by His Presence

Sometimes I am very broken, broken in my sinful state. I don't want to sin, but I sin.

I understand the theology that I am a Christian who tries to avoid sin. Not a sinner trying to be a Christian. I know the difference.

What is hard for me sometimes is the reality of my flesh.

Then He shows up. He is always there of course, but I become aware of Him.

He doesn't scold me, He could but he doesn't. He doesn't reject me although He should.

I would.

He gathers me up and in.

And I'm safe once more. Broken. Wounded. Hurt. By ME.

My desire is to live in permanent victory. I do sometimes, for a long time. Then I don't.

I no longer try to blame anyone. Not even the Devil. I'll leave that to Flip Wilson. If only I had the ability to, and that is the problem. I DON'T. I never will on this side of the veil. Sometimes the tribulation I suffer is myself.

I'm not laden with self hatred. How could I Hate what He loves so much. I can't. It's just that sometimes I find myself until I lose myself in him.

Jesus, I am yours. I have no other fount but you. You are all I need.

This morning He said to me, "You're Right" I am all you have and all you need. It's not about YOU anymore. It's about me. Now find yourself where I have hidden you, IN ME.

Today, once more, I will quit looking at me, and start looking in Him and to Him. I have no other source.

David Ruis wrote these words to a song called WHOM HAVE I BUT YOU from the Psalms:

Whom have I but You
Whom have I but You

Though mountains fall
They fall into the sea

Though my coloured dawn
May turn to shades of grey

Though questions asked
May never be resolved

Psalm 46

For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to Alamoth. A song. [a]
1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

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